What's in a name?

So. Here I am.

I'm lazy. Really lazy. Well, that's not entirely accurate. I have a more than full time job as a C-level executive. I'm married to my husband, the Sad Panda (or just "panda"). I'm a mom to a 10 year old daughter (I have 50/50 custody with my ex). I've adopted my husband's 13-year-old daughter from his previous marriage. Oh and she is an Aspie with comorbid ADD. I like to write - I finished my first novel as part of NaNoWriMo 2012, and plan to compose its sequel in 2013.  As if that's not enough, I'm finishing my last class for my MBA. In my spare time (ha!), I am a part-time Disney-only travel professional.

Okay, so maybe I'm not really lazy.

Anyhow, I used to be in really great shape. I participated in pageants (and won quite often). I modeled nearly full time. I was on the cover of a magazine. And I was built like a brick shit house. I'm not kidding.  See?

Back when Miss America decided shoes were for squares.

And then? Life happened.

My combination ADD/ADHD was misdiagnosed as bipolar II. I was medicated with several different types of pills - and not surprisingly, not a single  one worked. I was one of the (un)lucky people whose doctors tried the off-label use of Zyprexa on their "bipolar" ... And gained 51 pounds in about as many days.  When you add in the uncontrolled weight gain from my efforts to get (and stay) pregnant? Well, let's just say that I am officially "fluffy". On the up side, I went from a 36B to a 40DD. So, there's that.

Only after my mother's sudden death in 2004 did I finally have a Doctor listen to me and call out my brain on what it really was - combination of attentive (ADD) and hyperactive (ADHD). Oh, and let's not forget the side order of situational anxiety (not generalized). My problems are less about finding the right medication and more about changing my lifestyle.

I've tried many things since 2004. I know I don't like how daily meds make me feel. I know that the stimulants don't really work for me, they just send my anxiety through the roof. And I know I need to take off some weight.  My numbers are great - I'm well within the healthy range for every marker except blood pressure (genetics plus high-pressure job equals a dose of 200 mg of Toprol XL every night). But I miss being able to buy my clothes without worrying about a muffin top. I miss cute things. And I want to keep myself healthy for a long time - my kids need me, and my husband needs me.

So, last year, I remembered how I dealt with my stress when I was younger. I did a little "road work". I strapped on my shoes, put on some music, and ran. I was never particularly fast, nor was I ever particularly graceful. But running made me feel free. And now - I'm a mother. I have an excuse to look like a cracked-out rhinoceros clomping down the street.  So, I went all Forrest Gump on that shit and ran. Slowly at first. A few seconds at a time at first. But as the days go by - I run more than I walk. Sure, I still Galloway it. But I run. I'm a runner. I have completed two 5K runs. Really. I have the t-shirts to prove it. I'm a runner.

It's been slow. It's been painful. But oh. It's all worth it. It's been a real treat, becoming a fluffy mother runner.